Random Letters part II

" I need you to be my shelter , to where I escape .. to be the fire that burns my fears and loonliness .. I need you to steal my heart away , to where no one can reach my heart, to where no one can hurt me
I need your smile to dispense my frown .. I need your laugh to break my silence .. I need you alive so I can reach to my soul that has rested in You .." The 16th of January 2010..

" From the bottom of my heart , I wish that you could see yourself in my eyes .. I wish I could have held you in my heart .. I wish I could have saved you from suffering .. I wish I could have turned your tears into a smile ..
My only , I know that there has been and there will be alot of things that I cannot do .. But despite it all , whenever you miss me you shall look behind you , becuse I will always be There ... " The 10th of December 2009 ...

" I felt the pain contained in your words cutting through my soul , feeding on my trepidations , disturbing all the sanity that I had ..
Speechless I remained , when the indurance in your eyes shined so bright .. When I witnessed your grace emanating through your smile .. There when my heart was alliviated , as if you were whispering to it saying : dude , don't worry I am ok ;) .. " The 25 of October 2010 ..

" I want you to know that you are held responsible for what happened .. My heart had just departed me to you , leaving me this note : I 'm sorry I had to leave like this but I finally got it right .. I am with right person now , and I will be back as soon as forever comes .... " The 28th of December 2010..

" Something has been missing .. A reality that has been lingering somewhere to be found .. Hanging there for me to lay my hands on it...

Yet I remained unaware of it untill that day .. The day I felt you .. The day you stole my heart .. And The day I knew with the deepest senses I had that I loved you ... And ever snice then you became my calender , for I was litrally born at the day when I lost my heart , forever, to you ... " The 14th of November 2010 ..

with love .. yours

Homeless

Forgive me ..

forgive the languor in me that could grapple on you no more that could withstand it no longer..

Against my well I was deported, tempestuously we were just parted..

I will be back one day ,I promise ..

Maybe I have no clue where to go but I know by heart the way back to you ..

Maybe I seem to be lost and lonely..

left uncovered for the eyes of strangers to glimpse me with pitty ..

for the hunger to erode my soul ..

for the frost to solidify what is still left out of me..

but non of that matters !!

Because despite it all..

I know that one day I will be caged in you..

guarded by your walls..

warm inside your heart..

and one day I will be back , I will be home ...

Long journey that would be ..

The one I will be taking to to grow stronger ..

to find myself to find my way back to you..

I will come back standing on my feet , not crowling ..

stronger than ever ,determinant like never ,reaching out for you ..

I will be home one day..

As people might see .. homeless I might be ..

But do not call me delusional if I would say..

That the distanse between us will grow shorter..

That one day I will be Home ..

weak no longer.. scared no longer..And homeless no longer

Random Letters part I

Here I leave my letters to you wrapped with my sincer feelings .. For I might die but here my love to you will be untill forever comes ....

" Looked through the window watching the sun go down,disappear within the eaves of buildings .. I couldn't help wondering .. how long the darkness of night could separate us .. how long would it be before I see u raise again ..

It is getting darker around here .. no wonder I am shivering ,cold ,and scared .. However, I believe that the voices that I hear , and the ghosts that I see are only my overpass to your light , to your warmth ...

Do not worry about me .. I will survive until the morning comes .. so until then ,bye bye my Sun ..... " on The 26th of May 2010

" May your eyes rest peacefully .. may your wholesome soul find its conduit .. may your sincer passion alienate your despair .. and the pure love in your heart salve your own anguish .. may hope be your companion and faith be your guardian .. and may I Love you till the soul depart me ... " on The 23rd of March 2010

" My heart is shivering ,my hands are shaking ,and my breaths are taken away .. I just cannot believe that you are back .. cannot believe that you are here .. I 'm terrified of losing you again ,and I cannot help it nor can I take it ..

Please my dear take those fears away .. please reassure that pitiable heart of mine that you are here .. that you will never let go of me .. that I won't be in this spiteful world on my own again .. I missed you " on The 6th of May 2010

" watching the timepiace going tick-tock .. the time is passing as every hour is like an entire decade .. I cannot stop thinking about you without my fears & trepidations getting more and more immense .. how on earth can I let those memories go .. or be able to let it just flow ! It 's breaking my heart that you had to go ..

I stood there frozen in place , wathched yoy walk away .. I wondered to myself if I am going to see you ever again " on The 10th of april 2010

" I have been wondering , what is the thing that takes me always back to you when I escape .. steals me from myself to your arms ! is it that enchanting look of yours , or that warmth wrapped in your words , is it my dream that you held, or my love that you fairly & prettily kept .. I really don't know , yet I love that wonder you took me to " on The 19 of March 2010

" When you smiled ... all the pain and disappointments were gone .. all my fears vanished as they never existed .. for that smile brought the life to my withered eyes , the peace to my torn soul , and the pleasure to my broken heart ... that smile taught me what beauty is , what warmth is , what security is .. I want that smile to accompany me every single day of my life .. and NO it is not Only a smile ! it is THE smile " on The 24th of February 2010

Devoted

To the Eyes that were kept up late everynight watching over me..

To the Arms that had encompassed my soul, embraced my interior, and confound me to my core..

To the Heart that has been pumping life to my deceased cold body..

To the Ground that had always upheld my being...

To the Shelter that concealed me from the night,safeguarded me from the darkness..

Devoted To You I am .. To You

Will Find The Way

I 'll walk you through

And we 'll find the way out

the pain and dispair will fade away

and you will mend it in stout

I promise , you 'll survive it

though you are distraught

Breath in & open your eyes

show me the smile that I missed

talk to me, let hear your voice

the words are chocking you, I know it is hard

you are making me proud

acting strong, holding it togather

but I know that you are sad

Hang in there

I promise , it won't take long

before you find the way

to where you belong

Completing the Marathon ' almost '

WoooooHooooooo..4th year has finished !!

ooo :S did I mention that I was a 4th year medical student ..& I 'm officially now a 5th year medical STUDENT ! ..

anyhow , back to the WooooHooo ! .. so after a loooong stressing period of time Finally our grades were out & we ( I mean I ) passed Al7amd le Allah. How the hell did I pass ?? don't even ask :S .. I wish I could celebrate the end of my 4th year in this college & say that WoooHoo from the heart, but I couldn't. I wish I could post a status on FB to congratulate myself ,my friends , & my whole batch with the end of this pretty tough year, but I couldn't.

see , I 'm not one of those dorky NERDS o_O (never was & never ever will be ) those who calculate their progress in life only by counting the marks they have collected ! even if they will manage to flush away all the knowladge they had in toilet after the exams. How do I know that I'm not a NERD ? mmmm well, i never complained (not by any mean !) about a mark i 've ever had before ,no matter who horrible it was . I even used (almost all the time) to come out of exams only sincerly wishing that I pass even with one mark above the pass mark , & whenever I do , I go WoooooooooooooooooHooooooooooooooooooo !! Well this time I did pass without WooooooooHoooooooooooooo or even a wooo .

4 YEARS in med school ,& god damn ,I never got a single mark (not even one !!) that could represent even 40 or 50 % of the potentials which I believe that I have , not even close to that.

4 YEARS which I 've through away , spent them in both emotional & mental instability ( I gues if you still believe that I was even awake while writing this post , I 'm here telling you that I 'm NOT :P )

4 YEARS come oooooon !!! what have I learned ? how many opportunities have I wasted ? how many chances of success & achievments have I ruined ? maybe as much as the hair that is covering your head [ if you are bold (';') well you can skip counting ]

this is what I see when people say : ooh you are in 5th year , u know what is it like , it is like someone who went to a 42 Km long Marathon which is supposed to finish in 3 days , & at end of the 2nd day he/she had (thankfully) accomplished 40 meters of the 42 Km . WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!

I swear I 'm not depressed niether frustrated . And I 'm not a person who looks to the empty half of the glass ,at least not all the time. In fact, I haven't been feeling stable the way I do recently since years , though I still can't see more than that ,& to the very 1st time in my life , I 'm not happy that I ( successfully !) stipped into a new academic year.

at the end, my 2nd post is out . may it 's not boaring as the 1st one nor it is funny or creative. it was a slap on the face i wanted to have on puplic so I remember that I 'm waaaaaaay so much better then where I 'm right now. & if i wasted 4 years of my life in crap !! I 'm not welling to waste whatever is left of my life in less than What Allah has created me to accomplish, in less than what I believe I can do


Thank you for following .. I would love to see your input & comments , so wht do you guys see ?

The Opening

Well ,here it is , the first post is out..end of the day I had to post something. Why am I that late ? I gues because i exaghusted myself already trying to make it special ,or maybe perfect..too bad i feel so deprived of both thoughts & emtions to write down a good peace to start my blog with it.

Anyhow, my style in writing probably is going to be a combination of diaries and poetry, depending the mood :D ..to all friends whom wanted me to start a blog & to all those whom i was following before I start my own blog, to you i write my first BOARING post ( :D kidding )..

I wish the next post is going to be more joyful , inspirational , or mybe just stupid & funny ;) ..wish me luck anway

see you then :)